A little PPD I think

I am excited to NOT be pregnant anymore! There is nothing I like about the whole thing except the outcome!!! This was a slightly more difficult pregnancy then the first because I couldn't rest when I wanted to, Andy worked a lot, and I as super not well for the first 19 weeks. Cooper was, for the most part, a great kid. Because I was lazy, he learned a lot because he did all sorts of things for me. Yay for me being lazy! But, the whole time I was dreading having another little one...let alone a BOY!! How am I going to be able to handle TWO kids?? I know I can, and I know a bazillion other people handle them just fine, but it is quite scary. What if one feels neglected and not loved? What if they become little monsters? What will they be like as teenagers? What if they don't love me? How many times will I be at the emergency room with broken bones, concussions, ect? Life has become a lot more scary/stressful.

The first few weeks have been wayyyyy stressful for me because Cooper and Andy both got sick, and I did NOT want to get sick or for Parker to get sick (him being a newborn). I didn't want him even exposed, so basically Andy and Cooper lived downstairs and Parker and myself lived in our bedroom. It sucked big time!! Plus side for Andy... he got to sleep through the night for over a week! Lucky!

Thank goodness Parker is easy so far ( knock on wood). He LOVES LOVES to eat, and he is an EXCELLENT gas passer! :) I have a feeling he will catch up on his weight very soon. He looks so much like Cooper to me and Andy. His eyes are big and brown and he furrows his forehead. He has a little more hair then Cooper did, but it is the same color...brown. Cooper is so cute with Parker. He likes to give him kisses in the morning and he always says HI. He won't say Parker, instead he says "Guke" in reference to Luke (his cousin). One of these days he will get it right. He like to feed Parker his bottle... and he shares his toys too. But, Cooper likes his time with Andy a lot and will always choose to play.

I am definately cherishing every moment with Parker and Cooper. In my mind, I have always wanted TWO kids... and I have them. Yes, a girl would have been nice, but I have boys for a reason. Any girl who says she doesn't want a girl of her own is simply lying. I will always feel a little sad that I don't get to shop for prom dresses and hair accessories, but c'est la vie. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little jealous of those who have had and are having girls in the near future. Please understand that I am happy for them, but still a little sad for myself (sore subject). Selfish I know. But, I love my boys and with two kids because we can provide a good life for them and we can afford to spoil them a bit... (my most fav thing ever!!!) At this point in my life, TWO is all I want and I hope every one understands this. Maybe down the road a little miracle will happen, but right now my boys are all I can handle. Like I said, I would love to have a girl, but unless I am 100% gauranteed a girl... I'm not willing to try again at this time. Some people are destined to have all boys, and I am one of them.

I am sorry if I have been anti-social, but like I said... I have been a little stressed out about life. Plus, I was supposed to skate at Knott's for Christmas, but that fell through. I feel like all I am is a milk machine/diaper changer these days. My "out" of everyday life is going Christmas shopping. It helps me relax ... even with all the rude and crazy shoppers out there. I keep wanting to decorate the house, but I just can't seem to do it... don't know why, probably just my laziness. Oh well, it will happen one of these days.

So, that sums up my thoughts for the last year-ish. Parker's bday post will be posted soon I promise. I just felt the urge to rant tonight.